Why We Don’t Engage in Self Care
In our current day, there is a robust movement to relearn tools of self-care, to reinsert them into our daily lives. We’ve gone so long in a state of imbalance. We’ve cared for others without reprieve, worked without sufficient play, parented without help, lived with chronic lack of sleep, engorged on a chronically poor diet. All, I suppose, in service of misguided ideals. And to medicate this imbalance, we’ve turned to false and artificial remedies such as pharmaceuticals, processed food, sugar, alcohol, drugs, and materialism.
But, today, there is evidence of a concerted effort to bring back authentic and original forms of wholesome self-care; solid sleep, healthy eating, exercise, meditative practices, restorative bodywork, time with loved ones, and at times solitude. Yet, some have strong resistance to fully engage in practices of self-care.
I theorize that there’s resistance because the term “self-care” has the word “self” in it. We are afraid of being selfish. On one hand, many feel they don’t deserve to take good care of themselves. On the other, some can’t endure the possibility of being criticized for taking time away to do something edifying for themselves. We are afraid that the world will fall into chaos if we disengage. We believe ourselves to be so important that, without us putting our tough shoulder to the wheel, angry mobs will come looking for us and put us back to work. Ultimately, our fears and our ego can prevent us from partaking in self-care rituals.
Very recently, I went on vacation with my family to a quiet spot on a lake. I probably spent more time gazing into my iPhone than my wife’s lovely eyes! The amount of time I spent engaging in conversation with someone on the other end of my iPhone might have rivaled that of all my family members put together. And, boy, how I resented the world that felt it needed my attention while on vacation. But, really, I was to blame for allowing myself to stay plugged in. I got sucked into the falsehood that I can’t let go of the role of dutiful employee.
The path towards revering the place of self-care in our lives begins with confronting these fears and trappings of the ego. In fact, when we succumb to our fears and cater to our egos, we actually serve ourselves rather than truly being of service to others. While we think we are serving others, we really aren’t. We are serving our idea of our good selves. Namely the idea that we are responsible, we are important, we are productive, we are helpful, we are needed, we are good. We couldn’t fathom being perceived as any less perfect than that. When we are diluted into this kind of thinking, our “selflessness” becomes false and ultimately ineffectual. So, next time you make your child’s bed, do so simply as an act of love. Next time you sit in a hammock to read a book, do just that.
One of the fundamental problems of our modern notion of self-care is that it is cut off from the idea of the “whole” and a true understanding of the “other.” We currently think that there is a “self” over here and an “other” over there. We are the self and they are the other. But would day exist without night? Would up be up without down? Would sleep exist without wakefulness? Wet without dry? These apparent opposites exist only in relation to each other. One cannot be understood in the absence of the other. And so, too, we can see ourselves as an inseparable part of a whole; a delicate and fragile balance between parts.
Similarly, we have to view life as not being of two distinct action modes; serving the self, then serving the other. They have to be considered seen as connected at all times. We aren’t not serving the other when we serve ourselves. We aren’t not serving ourselves when serving others. It is all one.
And so, if we are one part of a large, delicate wholeness, it would follow only logically that it is irresponsible of us to neglect any part of that whole. Namely, the “us” in the system of the “whole.”
And lastly, it may be interesting to consider how this idea is amplified in I Corinthians (6:19-20): ‘Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, which you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you were bought with a price: therefore glory God in your body.’
While there is much going on in this small passage, it suggests that our bodies are offered to us on loan from a source beyond our understanding. Through the mystery and blessing of child-bearing, we came into this world. It is only logical and right to care for that which comes to us as a gift.
As a certified health coach through the Institute for Integrative Nutrition, Nick Bloom offers individualized coaching with an emphasis on real food in balance with exercise as the core to life-long health and wellness. As an advocate for better health, Nick provides workshops and coaching to individuals, small groups, couples and families in the Greater Portland area. www.nicolausbloom.com.
ELM™ | Maine
